i think ignorance is bliss

Dear Ms./Mrs.Agony,

I know this one person,but he's not a friend.I just know his name and that's all.This guy,Ms./Mrs.Agony,he has this very very bad B.O and it's like,horse dung bad,and the B.O is soooo nasty,it's like,leave a trail of its smell everytime he passes by i swear u gotta breathe in sooo deep and hold your breath for 3 solid minutes because covering your nose with your hands will be like,so rude,right?It's amazing how he carries himself around the office with a B.O like that and im like,wonder..,does he not realize that he stinks worse than a skunk?How do i tell him that he's gotta wear a deodorant,at least,because frankly Ms./Mrs.Agony,I will get an instant headache when my nose detects a bad bodily odour and it's just toxic it'll make my eyes watery.Im not someone with a hero complex with a complusive need to make the world right,but i think someone's gotta tell him that his B.O is like,the nastiest,ever.So Ms./Mrs.Agony please please tell me;should i tell him,or should i not?

Signed,
I Love The Smell of Davidoff Coolwater (for Women) On Men.


Dear I Love The Smell of Davidoff Coolwater (for Women) On Men,

Oh my gawd,really?That bad?I truly understand why u find this baffling,my child.But are u very very sure it's his natural B.O you're smelling?Maybe it's the smell of his Polo Lalph Rauren he bought from the pasar malam.Or maybe he has to switch to the anti-perspirant deo,because he sweats a lot.Those are possible maybes,but if u are determine to let him know,then this is a situation u have to handle delicately because you see,he's a male and you're a female.Not all men can handle criticism well,so as i said,this is some 'situation',indeed.There are many ways to handle this,but i can only think of two,period.U said he's not your friend,right?So you can tell him directly,like,u know,when he pass u by,u can,like,accidentally drop a bottle of deodorant and tell him that he dropped something,u know,like they always do in movies.That's the direct way.Indirectly,u can secretly place a bottle of deodorant on his table.Is he cute?If he is,make sure u leave a note or something.Oh my god,if he IS cute,it's like,too too bad.Cute,but stinky.Like,tsk tsk,right?So I Love The Smell of Davidoff Coolwater (for Women) On Men,I wish u all the best.My warmest regards.

Signed,
It's Ms.Agony.



Dear It's Ms.Agony,

This is about someone i know,like,really know him,like,know his phone number and where he lives and all.So he's married with kids.But he's like,has a serious crush on someone and that someone is somebody close.So this guy makes jokes and the girl laughs at his jokes eeeeeveryday,that (i think) people starts to notice their intimacy.Both are my friends and i dont want people to talk bad about my friends,but,few days ago,i got into the office and saw a male pooh bear on his desk and a female pooh bear on her desk,and im like,?????,u know.I think he's too old for the abang-angkat-adik-angkat kinda thingy.My question is,how did they do it,unabashedly?

Signed,
????


Dear A lot Of Question Marks,

First and foremost,i must let u know that there is no female pooh.It is a male pooh bear cross-dressing that u saw.Now,sometimes people do the strangest thing when they're itchy and bitchy.I think it's only natural for a guy to try so hard to be funny all the time to make a cute girl like your girl friend (is she cute?) laugh at his jokes,and,u know,attracted to him (cuz he's a man of humor and he makes her laugh).Because men dont have to have the looks to get a hot babe smitten.For instance,your boyfriend looks like an ogre (no offence),but u heart him to bits,right?,because he's funny and makes u laugh eeeeveryday,right?Well,the plush toys on both their tables could be a coincidence.Maybe the other day they ordered for 2 happy meals from McDoo and the plushies came free!Or maybe they both love the cartoon so much that before this,they personally wanted to put one on their table but didnt cuz they're ashamed to put it there,so now that they knew there's this other person who loves pooh as much as they do,they can now put their fave cartoon character on their workstation.So my point is,it's only natural for people to be itchy and bitchy and remember what your mom always say,never get yourself involved with a married man,mmmkay?Warm regards.

Signed,
Ms.Agony.