i think this is a resolution (fuiyoh!)

I have been playing it nice all these while. Maybe not as nice as you would want or imagine me to be, but frankly, I had been playing it a lil bit nicer from my standard of nice. Ask about me from my ex school mates, they will have nothing nice to say about me at all. I was this tight ass bitch who cares about nothing but getting good grades. The boys hated me for not being the typical sopan-santun lemah-lembik girl, and girls hated me for being a bitch (not in a slutty kinda way) tapi scorer. *put self in bakul*

This year I am not gonna play it nice anymore, I mellowed too much already. I'm gonna go back to being the so-called tight ass bitch that I was 10 years ago. Never mind if it's going to cost me a relationship or a friend or two, or dragging my big ass out of the bed at 5.30am every morning (oh, pengorbanan paling besar sekali ni!), I will find a way, work things out. Things may get ugly at times, but life is a rat race they say. (And to realize that I have been the the big fat hamster whose been fed hundred times a day, eat, sleep and run thinking I have run far enough to reach the peak of Kilimanjaro, ignorant of the fact that I am actually running in a wheel; is very depressing).

So okay, I will switch gear now.

And to those butt-kissers who are so busy butt-kissing the bosses and flaunt their measly achievements by sabotaging others, I have had enough of it all, don't you ever think that I am putting up with your bullshit because I am weak, truth is I am not, I just don't wanna make a big fuss out of it.

This is the time for me to buli balik. Booyakasha! *simbah minyak tanah kat api, prance around campfire*

i think i sound like a pseudo intelektual melayu wannabe :P

Haikal, si nephew comel 16 bulan yang panggil semua orang dengan "Bibik!", sangat suka akan iklan terbaru Di.gi Music Telegram itu. Setiap kali iklan muncul, dia jadi senyap, tak bergerak dan tak berkelip memandang skrin tv. Tak tahu sebenarnya apa yang memukaunya sampai begitu sekali; suara Mariah Carey atau mimik muka raungan amoi yang putus cinta atau kartun arnab warna-warni yang menyusur dari lengan ke lengan.

"Macam kau!", kata Kaklong. Cis, mana ada. Aku dah tak meraung dan meroyan sejak 19 Disember lalu. Kalau ada pun, aku menangis senyap-senyap dengan sedu-sedan kecil macam pelakon drama swasta era 90-an.

Sabtu lalu, Ayil tanya, Mummy, how old are you? 27. That's very old, I'm only 8, katanya. Cis. Ya, sayang. Mummy kamu ini dua puluh tahun lebih tua dari kamu. Tapi Mummy ni pendek lah, tengok Amai yang 7 tahun dah nak sama tinggi dengan ketiak Mummy. Bila Mummy nak kahwin?

Aih, banyaknya tanya. Satu jawapan 50 puluh sen, ya. Terus senyap monyet dua ekor tu. Haha.

Boys, bila besar nanti kamu akan tahu hidup bukan senang melainkan kau pewaris trust fund beratus ribu juta. Tiada bantuan apparatus majis dari buku ajaib macam Putera Shazlan. Lelaki takkan boleh jadi hero dan be there setiap masa macam Ultraman Cosmos. Dan perempuan itu lagi kompleks daripada sains roket, alangkan si Jimmy Neutron yang genius pun tak pernah faham si Cindy Vortex. Boys, banyak benda yang kamu perlu pelajari, take one step at a time, faham?

Betul ke faham? Ayil angguk-angguk. Amai tersengih macam kerang busuk. Tak tahu faham ke tidak.

My boys are growing up and I am growing old. Mungkin aku perlu lebihkan vitamin C dalam kehidupan mulai sekarang untuk kekalkan awet muda dan elak kedutan.

i think destiny is no human game

1. Double eyebags getting obvious. My drinking-before-sleep habit is manufacturing double eyebags on me. The H20 I drink settled overnight in the under eye. Though the puffiness may subside later, the previous smoking habit made a permanent mark there already.

2. Note the word 'previous'? Yes, someone's attempting to quit the sticks for the n-th time. Boring dah dengar.. Haha. But I'm pretty optimistic it will be a success this time, this quit smoking project. My oral is not in a condition to suck, or even blow. The ciggie, or anything suckable or blowable. I can still kiss and do a little tounge action, though.

3. I miss him a lot. But we're fucked up. Sometimes when thoughts of him start to cloud, peppering tear gas and inducing a drop or two in the corner of the eyes, I kinda knew that he is thinking of me too. Then I'd whisper "Sayang, be strong..". To myself and to him.

4. He called. Told me that this break up is too hard for him to handle. It wrecked me when he told me that he talks to the wall every night, pretending to be talking to me. Now that explains #3. Telephaty? Call it the power of l o v e (?).

5. On a happier note, I am going to Rihanna's with the usual suspects. Err, hooray? Hahha. Spending my hard earned money on a concert ticket not for the pop star, but to just join in the hype. Wise.

6. I want to go to Jason Mraz's concert (prefer a mini concert, more intimate so I can sing and cry with Mr. Mraz while pretending to be Miss Callait).