i think i have binge eating disorder

I woke up with a sharp pain on my lower abdomen. A throbbing headache has been stalking me since last week. I can feel the stiffness in my neck and shoulders. I need a good massage, tell me where can I get a good massage. I feel hot, not the hot babe hot. If you press that thermometer strip on my forehead, it will read "Defective. Abnormally high temperature. Go home and lie down in your bed. Now". I feel nauseous.

A friend pointed out that this sickness and whateveryous fogging me right now is an impaired Monday blues. Have I been lamenting about being sick mostly on Mondays? Yeah, I'm kinda seeing a pattern now she said. Dang, if I have been going to the in-house clinic, I'd be assigned to that personal doctor program thingy already.

Anyways, overheard at an Irish sandwich bar counter:

A: Yes, maam?
B: I'm paying for this Light Coke and a bowl of tossed salad.
A: Sorry, maam?
B: Umm, nee-cois salad *cawnfident!*
A: Light Coke and a nee-SWOZ salad. Alright.
B: *blush* Is this nee-swoz as in the French salad nee-swoz? Did you know that the Irish way of saying it is nee-cois. Keep the change, kthxbai!

p/s: If bruschetta is broo-shetta to you, don't laugh okay.:P