i think the beginning is the end is the beginning

It's like a T-junction you comes up to along your journey in the middle of nowhere. You don't really know where does the road on your right is heading. You're not sure where will the left turn takes you either.

This is the point where you have to make a choice, make your own decision.

It's like a one way ticket, you don't get to return to the starting point should you got lost somewhere along the way.

You wonder where will it take you?

There's only one way to find out. Right or left. Left or right. Pick. No destination, no map, no GPS navigator. You are your own explorer.

i think it's the end

Look at my sallow face, but say nothing.
Look at this infinite pain, and for God's sake, say nothing.

Look at this bleeding heart, eyes like the River Jeyhun.
No matter what you see, pass by. Don't ask, say nothing.

Yesterday you appeared at the door of the heart's house.
Your image knocked and said: Come, open the door, say nothing.

I put my hand to my mouth and said: Woe to my broken heart.
He said: I'm yours, don't bite your hand, say nothing.

Since you are my surna, don't sing without my lips.
Until I play you like a harp, not a word about music. Say nothing.

I said: How long will you drag my soul around the world?
He said: Wherever I drag you, come quickly. Say nothing.

I said: While I say nothing, do you want me to burn?
Are you saying: Come in and say nothing?

He smiled like a rose and said: Come in and see.
This fire is jasmine, green leaves and roses. Say nothing.

The fire became roses and spoke. It told me:
Except for our beloved's love and kindness, say nothing.

- Jalal al Din Rumi

i think i need to find the answer

In the MOH's not-so-recent but very graphic ad on anti smoking campaign, I noticed that one part of the dialogue was mutely bleeped out.

The one with the smoking mother with mouth cancer calling out his son ("Shaaawwwwnnn, aaaa aaaavvv yeuwww") again and again who couldn't make out what she was saying. Then the nurse who was around there was kind enough to amplify the message to the kid - "She said, *mute* loves you".

I wonder why.

i think gluttony is me

I took the whole week off just to get away from the office, not to celebrate. Raya sucks, painfully depressing. Same shit, different year. I do not curse the day nor the holy month, shit could happen any given Sunday. But I gotta admit that I'm starting to dislike it as the drama will get to its worst on those days.

Okay, happy thoughts. Things I wanna eat post-Eid:

1. Nirwana Maju banana leaf rice
2. Ikano's steamboat
3. SS2 Ah Hong's seafood
4. Fatty Crab
5. Taiwan Noodle's beef glass noodle soup *drools*
6. Sunway's Ayam Penyet Ria/Wong Solo
7. RT cheesecake
8. Ampang's nasi ayam tepi Petronas
9. Ruz Aladdin's sirap bandung
10. La Risata's pepperoni pizza
11. Domino's spicy chicken wings
12. Anuar Zain (tiba-tiba!:P)
13. My boyfriend

i think this is about me

Sunday's confession

(credits to PostSecret.blogspot.com)

i think it's the hormones talking

Okay, this is gonna be a quick one cause it's raining (!!!) now and I can't wait to wrap myself in quilt on the best bed in the world and sleep. And I cannot not wake up for sahur cause I gotta eat my cajun chicken salad or else I might not survive puasa tomorrow. Just got to let this one off my chest so that I can sleep peacefully without these thoughts bouncing back and forth back and forth back and forth in my mind like Atari's Pong ball.

I think I'm feeling anxious. There are too many I-wants and I-needs and all that shoulda-woulda-coulda that are slowly turning me into a low spirited, low self-esteemed and a pessimist.

Frustrations and Hopes - bold and underlined.

I am not one of those Pollyanna thinkers tonight, I sure don't feel like looking on the bright side at the moment. I know Frustrations and Hopes are going to obfuscate my sight for a while. I shall remember to down some endorphines some time soon just so I can analyse things and (hopefully) find a way, make it work.

i think it’s only natural to have this feeling

You’d wish that you could build a wall around you, a sound-proof wall so that you can hear nothing from the outside and they too will hear nothing from your side of the wall and you could just sit in there, perhaps scoot to a corner with your favorite someone or something and just be in your own little world.

Sounds like a manic depression? It's just hormones, really. A sure sign that a holiday is requisite before one loses her mind.

Sayang, boleh tak lepas raya we go holiday? T_T

i think you're only kidding, eh boss..

Might be going to HKG again for the same assignment. Sigh. A recent muhasabah diri gave a realisation that I could be such a negative person at most of the times. I found myself saying "No", "Cannot" and "Impossible" at ideas thrown my way. Okay sebenarnya I'm not negative, I'm just lazy. :P And seriously tired. I mean, how could you not be tired? Try to work with a bonehead for 5 minutes and you'd want to kill yourself by jumping off your 5th floor office.

But still, being negative - uh-uh not good, tsk tsk. Quick pop your ears so your head doesn't explode!