i think b.en ibra.him is hot

Colleague: Hey Na.
Tina: Hi..
C : Hey I saw u last Saturday kat hartamas..
T : *gasp* U did? *did u see me smoking??*
C : Yup. U were with a friend?
T : Yeah. *alamak,jatuh saham*
C : I was only a few tables away, u know..
T : laa, apsal tak come over and say hi.. *OMG!! Did u see me smoking ciggies???*
C : I tapped u on ur shoulder mase nak pegi beli rokok. U didn’t notice?
T : laa ye ke? hehehe tak perasan,sowwy.. *mampus la aku!*

End of conversation.

He left me with a crazy palpitations. My hands went cold, my heart was beating out of my chest! Not that I have a crush on him or anything.. it’s the thought of him seeing me smoking that was making me nervous. My colleague is cute, but he has a big mouth! I dunno for sure if he really has a big mouth, what im sure of is I’ll be damned if he does. Plus, I dunno him that well so I cant tell if he’s the okay type or the conservative/judgemental kinda person like most of the peeps frm the office.

Why do I care so much about people knowing I smoke?
Am I being hypocritical? Two-faced coward?

I think I was actually adapting, like a very good friend of mine (who writes beautifully in his blog but very lazy to update; CPMS-say hi to him now..) likes to put it. As in this case, adapting myself so that I fit in in this particular office population.

Im not shy to admit that I smoke, but im not proud either to announce to the world about it. Im especially scared to admit it to those people that I think has this ‘women who smoke are bitches’ mindset.

So I’d like to think of me as being adaptive - changing myself to suit different condition, just to play it safe and keeping it low cuz if my dad or brother finds out about this,im so DEAD!.

But most of the time, im the lantak-la-orang-nak-cakap-ape kinda gal.