i think i am just being that woman who made mistakes, who got things wrong

I guess it's only natural for you to be skeptical of changes to a point you'd reject a new environment when you had conveniently convinced yourself that your life was content. I guess it's only natural for you to build a wall around you to shield yourself from the forthcomings and what-have-yous, you're afraid and the safest bet is to play it safe. I guess it's only natural to hold back when a known stranger tries to tumble that wall of your fort, you resist his attempt to make an emotional connection. Old memories, fear, uncertainty and what-if's will cloud your mind, sending you to a clinical panic attack and frantically you search for familiarity when you realized that those faces you see and everything around you are no longer the same..

The consequences - an extreme emotional roller coaster, triple eyebags, maimed confidence, life gone haywire. Pandemonium! You're trying to act all tough but inside you're just about to crack under pressure.

Sigh.

Well, lesson learnt: axe your ex. Avoid contact at any cost, avoid bumping into each other because it will only trigger unnecessary emotions and emotions make you weak. And goodbye something is never a good idea (what's good about goodbye anyway?), but if you must, make sure:

- he didn't already go for an overseas trip with some girl in less than a month from the date you broke things off (to his defence was in his quest of moving on, oh well men suffer too you know). Only God knows what happened during the trip so save your imagination cause it'll be like picking at old scabs and the only person who'll bleed is you.

- he doesn't have separate folders of smses from multiple female senders in his mobile phone Message Inbox (oh, men need someone to talk to, they get weak and lonely too you know), which I presumed the many smses of different girls he's in touch with just to assure his ego inflated.

- he is not in a 'It's Complicated' kind of relationship with someone he calls 'Kak', to reduce the possibility of you reading an sms dated few days earlier about her wanting to end the relationship between the two of them and that she will always cherish the 1 month and a half of their (his and her) relationship (which gets your logic thinking that he actually 'moved on' 2 weeks right after your break up with him? Ouch!)

- lies, lies and more lies. You get confused, what's the point in him lying when everything has disintegrated - was he trying to cover up something? Was he still trying to get in your good book or in your pants? (Beats me..)

So believe you me, it's never a good idea unless you have made sure he's clear of the three aforementioned. Especially when you heart is still fragile and you have a temper as thin as paper, failure to confirm these three would only make things worse for you. Check and make sure - before you get all sappy when you see this on his Facebook Wall:

So cry, wail, beg, vent, reflect. Get sad, get mad. You're just being human. Acknowledge your feelings.

Lastly, make peace with bad relationship or so-called life disaster or it would come haunting you back. Apologize - call or send a 'sorry' card, so long as you tell him that you are sorry for having done something that has caused him problems or unhappiness.

Memories will remain but it's time to make a whole new set of memories with the Present, yes? All the best! (read: just move the fuck on!)