i think this will be untitled

The last time I went for a funeral was way back in 1997, when my grandmother passed on.

I remember dad came to pick me up from school in the middle of the week, saw him talking to the warden with a serious face. I thought I did something wrong and that the warden requested my dad to get me out hence dad's unexpected turn-up. I don't remember him breaking the news to me when I got into the car. It was not until we were halfway home. We went straight to my grandparents' house.

I remember (my late) Nenek's body lying stiff in the hall, covered with a cloth from head to toe. I remember we sat around her. I remember reading the Yaasin and fighting back tears. I remember reading the Yaasin and crying cause it was so hard to not cry. I remember holding her cold hands when we bathed her. I remember kissing her for the last time before they fold up the kapan cloth. I remember the last glimpse of her body before Nenek was laid to rest.

Last Monday, I saw sons and daughters going through the same thing. I saw grandchildren kissing their grandpa for the last time. Some were crying, some were not. Probably too young to understand what was happening.

Mom cried for a dear uncle who left. I cried because mom cried. I cried because I felt for their loss. Most of all I cried because I fear of losing.

Mom held my hands throughout the funeral. I looked at mom's old wrinkly hands, this old fragile person is my only pillar of strength. I cried even harder.

Al-Fatihah to Tok Lah and Nenek. May their soul rest in peace, and may Allah bless them.

Allahummaghfirli waliwalidaiyya, warhamhuma kama rabbayaani saghira. Amin ya rabbal 'alamin..

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