i think this will be untitled

The last time I went for a funeral was way back in 1997, when my grandmother passed on.

I remember dad came to pick me up from school in the middle of the week, saw him talking to the warden with a serious face. I thought I did something wrong and that the warden requested my dad to get me out hence dad's unexpected turn-up. I don't remember him breaking the news to me when I got into the car. It was not until we were halfway home. We went straight to my grandparents' house.

I remember (my late) Nenek's body lying stiff in the hall, covered with a cloth from head to toe. I remember we sat around her. I remember reading the Yaasin and fighting back tears. I remember reading the Yaasin and crying cause it was so hard to not cry. I remember holding her cold hands when we bathed her. I remember kissing her for the last time before they fold up the kapan cloth. I remember the last glimpse of her body before Nenek was laid to rest.

Last Monday, I saw sons and daughters going through the same thing. I saw grandchildren kissing their grandpa for the last time. Some were crying, some were not. Probably too young to understand what was happening.

Mom cried for a dear uncle who left. I cried because mom cried. I cried because I felt for their loss. Most of all I cried because I fear of losing.

Mom held my hands throughout the funeral. I looked at mom's old wrinkly hands, this old fragile person is my only pillar of strength. I cried even harder.

Al-Fatihah to Tok Lah and Nenek. May their soul rest in peace, and may Allah bless them.

Allahummaghfirli waliwalidaiyya, warhamhuma kama rabbayaani saghira. Amin ya rabbal 'alamin..

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

i think it's one hour after one, i'm a little stuffed and i need sleep now.. :P

i think you make me happy, you magnify my better half

BBM chat between me and The Present (hereafter be referred to as SalmonKhan), this is gonna be something for me to read on days I get weak and lack the funk to go on.. :)

Participants:
-------------
TunaTurner, SalmonKhan

Messages:
---------
TunaTurner: I feel like I don't belong here la
TunaTurner: Sigh
SalmonKhan: Haiyo.. Why la baby?
TunaTurner: Feel so out of place...
TunaTurner: I don't feel this job anymore
TunaTurner: (chronic PMS alert)
TunaTurner: (or maybe early 30s life crisis)
TunaTurner: =))
SalmonKhan: Hahahahahaha.. U ah..
SalmonKhan: Are u actively involved in the audit or just tagging along?
SalmonKhan: Alaaaa.. Keep your head up la baby.. U're still involved in very important issues here and they are depending on you ;)
SalmonKhan: Don't sell yourself short la..
SalmonKhan: Just the TS audit itself is a huge deal for this company.. And u're playing a pivotal role kan :)
TunaTurner: What role?
TunaTurner: Sigh
TunaTurner: It's not about me feeling insignificant
SalmonKhan: Don't say that la..
TunaTurner: It's just dat I don't feel this job anymore
SalmonKhan: There's a reason ur presence is needed for the control plan approval and review
SalmonKhan: Ah.. I get you on that..
SalmonKhan: U know what I think u need?
TunaTurner: And I'm well aware dat I'm driving myself to destruction
TunaTurner: Hehe
SalmonKhan: I think u need to taste some "accomplishment" here..
SalmonKhan: Maybe another project
TunaTurner: What kinda accomplishment la ?
SalmonKhan: Or something along those lines
SalmonKhan: It sounds like u've forgotten the feeling of accomplishing something and getting the recognition you deserve
SalmonKhan: And yes.. If you stay this way, u're heading down the road of self destruction la baby..
SalmonKhan: That's not good la baby
SalmonKhan: I know you well enough to say u're smart and assertive..
SalmonKhan: Two very strong qualities that u have that can lift u up..
SalmonKhan: And i'm not jus being nice k..
SalmonKhan: I really think what happened has just made u forget the feeling of accomplishment
SalmonKhan: Try reminiscing something u completed and got praise and self-satisfaction for..
SalmonKhan: Anything else u did here
SalmonKhan: Despite the stupid antics ur asshole of a boss has..
SalmonKhan: Remember the other aspects of it that made u feel like u were kicking ass in this field ;)
SalmonKhan: I really think u just gotta feel that success again..
SalmonKhan: It's not easy to put life back into ur work when u've been slapped in the face
SalmonKhan: Trust me I know..
SalmonKhan: But remember, and I mean REMEMBER.. If you've accomplished something even just once.. You can DEFINITELY do it again!
TunaTurner: Sigh
TunaTurner: My motivation is zero la
TunaTurner: What a pathetic realization to have on ur 28th bday
TunaTurner: :(
SalmonKhan: all u gotta do is stand up and keep that posture straight.. And start moving forward again.. Soon those baby steps will turn to footsteps.. And before u know it, u'll be running again..
SalmonKhan: It's not a pathetic realization
SalmonKhan: It's good!
SalmonKhan: How're u gonna overcome a problem if you don't know what the problem is????
SalmonKhan: But now you do..
TunaTurner: :'(
SalmonKhan: It's like when a tech tells me.. "boss.. Device ni tak leh run, tolong fix"
SalmonKhan: I'm thinkin "wtf am I superman?"
SalmonKhan: "what's the problem?"
SalmonKhan: "corr lockout, gain error, calibration fail.." Whatever it is.. Once I know the problem, I can move towards fixing it..
SalmonKhan: before this.. Ur system was just telling you "boss, tak leh run, tolong fix"
TunaTurner: Brb
TunaTurner: Auditors are here
SalmonKhan: Now.. Ur system is telling you "hmmm, failing kat lower limit.. marginal failure.. Test name Motivation.."
SalmonKhan: :p
SalmonKhan: Just remember what I said
SalmonKhan: And read it over if u didn't digest it the first time..
SalmonKhan: ;)
SalmonKhan: Love you!

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

i think i heard she called out a warning; "Don't ever let life pass you by!"

I have a feeling that my international working visa application is going to be rejected, dammit! You wanna know why? This stays between you and me yeah? The immigration's gonna turn me down because I don't pay my tax. LOL!!

Sigh. Roadblock. I shall not give up hope just yet kan? This is something I gotta while I am still 'young'.

On the same token, I'm gonna turn 28 in just a few hours. I have gotten over the fact that I am getting older numerically, since I could still pass as a college student, and that, somehow, at the risk of sounding shallow, consoled me. Oh, and did I tell you that my new beau is 2 years younger than me?:P

Happy birthday to me! Live like you're dying, people. ;)


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

i think i've found a way for you and i to finally be free

When we get there, we're gonna fly so far away,
Making sure to laugh, while we experience anti-gravity

Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

i think i'm gonna keep this up

Question: what do you call a person who eats pussy?
Answer: a VAGI-tarian.
(Him making fun of my no-meat diet..:P)

When I decided to give up meat temporarily by the end of April, I had no apparent motives other than to live healthy. Not because of I couldn't bring myself to eat chicken cause chickens are cute, and just because I was practicing a no-meat diet and with the word diet associated, people thought I was trying to lose weight. Haha. Some even thought I went pescetarian because of him, which is the most ridonkeylous thing to say cause he is as carnivorous as a carnivore can be.:P

So yeah, nothing related to humanitarian perspective or anybody that is romantically linked to me, my ultimate objective was just to be healthier.

Why pescetarian? Simply because it's more practical than a vegetarian diet. I love my lala goreng, butter prawns, ikan bakar and everything seafood! It's easier to convince the mind to give up meat (red meat especially) because generally it contributes to many serious diseases. Most Japanese live a longer life although they smoke like a chimney, thanks to the pescetarian diet.

I turned pescetarian for 30 days and the result - I felt healthier, really. I wasn't feeling sluggish after lunch and I loved it. I shed a few kilos me thinks, as my metabolism rate increased as fish and vegetables require less energy to be digested. Increased metabolism equals zero constipation equals happiness to the power of 10. Hahaha.

Truth is, I still love meat. Red or white. Bak kata Michael Jeksen, if you're thinking bout my baby it don't matter if you're black red or white. Ooh! ;)



Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis

i think she's my everything

My girl, Anna Molly, is now one year old (since the day I got her lah). I don't really know the date she was born, she was about four months old when I got her, which technically means she is now 1 year and 4 months old, or something like that. :P

I thought of celebrating her birthday today when I realized it was a week ago.:P Sorry Sayang, Mummy forgot the exact date I got you. I thought it was on a Sunday two weeks after I got back from Phuket last year. But it was actually a week only, on 25th May 2009 to be exact. So yeah, Happy Belated Birthday, Molly! ;) *throws confetti*

There were times I tried to give her up, I'm sure glad I didn't. Can't believe that it has been a year since we co-existed. Now she's old enough, and I've found her a handsome boyfriend, we'll talk about family planning soon. ;)

Here's the first few pictures of her that were captured when I first brought her home, looking scared but sooo adorable. She still is.. (adorable, but no longer scared) ;)

Mummy loves you long time, Moyyie! *huggles*

i think this is true

While you SCREAM at your woman, there's a man wishing he could talk softly in her ear. While you HUMILIATE, OFFEND and INSULT her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how wonderful she is. While you HURT your woman, there's a man wishing he could make love to her. While you make your woman CRY there's a man stealing smiles from her.

Stand up against Domestic Violence!!!

Sent via BlackBerry® from Maxis