i think i talked too much :P

I'm a firm believer of speaking up and voicing out your opinion especially when you have issues. As much as I'd like to consider myself as an outspoken person, ironically most of the time I would keep mum and keep things to myself, a habit I picked up over the years that is to use silence as a safety net. So what happened when I decided to think out loud?

Me and the whole team were in a session with a business director from the States. What was, up to that point, lively chatter quickly trickled off into silence when he said he wanted to go round the table. He stood there watching us from one face to another, his eyes begging for someone to talk. It was awkward, at least to me. I mean, you know lah, Americans, they are uncomfortable with prolonged silence. Okay, so I thought what better way to break the ice but talk about something that is un-cliche, not the typical how do you think we're doing, how much do you think we're contributing yaddiyaddiyadda.. (Ni la susahnya kalau otak konon dok nak diversify je.. Hehe)

With a light bulb popping out and a pair of lil horns growing out of my head, I thought, wa-hey, here's a channel to give your opinions on your bosses and let the super top management tell them something that we cannot do directly. I mean, day in day out, we've been bitching about our bosses during breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. We have been complaining about how the bosses are driving us up the wall, etc. Complains turned to grievances, so I said to myself, alright let's 'talk'.

I was 110% sure that I was speaking on behalf of all of us when I said that we have this pent up frustrations inside, and talking to supervisors doesn't seem like the best idea when you don't even think you can talk and they listen without them being judgemental and/or retaliate later. Bottom line, I was trying to (a) implant the idea *superhero syndrome poyoness* to me and my fellow comrades who groan about their boss/job at 9am in the morning, to go to your boss and provide feedbacks and (b) let them know we're not happy and let's work something out.

Apparently these so-called professionals that I call my colleagues did not understand the concept of round-table and the whole whatever-happens-in-the-room-stays-inside-the-room policy. The minute we stepped out of the room, words sprang out like an air-borne virus (read: strings of octet stream called the short message system) and within seconds, it reached our managers' ears phones ears.

I should've stick to that keeping mum and keeping my thoughts to myself thingy, dammit. The nail that sticks out gets hammered down, yes? I sure learnt my lesson about speaking up alright. And I also learnt that, I can be too blunt at times, so I need to brush up on my rhetoric (?) skills.

Last week we had another round table session with the department director. Now, the problem with reverting to silence is that it can lead to feedback that "You're so quiet". Pulak?

Trying to throw a constructive criticism, I tried to bunga-bunga my words. It was too bunga-bunga, I sounded like kaki kipas pulak. Like, euwww sangat.

i think im turning old and boring

July is my favorite month of the year. It's usually less heaty than June and I can stop being cranky and disable that weekend hibernate mode and thank god the world is finally done with fashion studs. And for a second half of a Fiscal year, it means we're basically done with all the outlines and reviews and it's time to sit back and chillax and wait for results. People are less focus on your performance dashboard, so you get to slack off a bit.

Two of my bestfriends got married in July, both looking unbelievably gorgeous and dashingly handsome (not to each other, in two separate weddings). I chose to skip the best-boyfriend's wedding because it clashed with the best-girlfriend's wedding. It seems like I've been skipping everyone's wedding nowadays, I wonder would anybody even care to come to mine next year?

I was down with fever, flu and a crazy sore throat on my birthday. Two huge ass ulcers popped out in my mouth as a consolation of the 3-in-1 combo. Nevertheless I was blessed with family and friends and special ones who made the effort to celebrate me (I am not worth it). From the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much. The best part of my birthday this time around is I had the most intense and sinfully delicious blueberry cheesecake all. to. myself.

On turning a year older? Well, it's nothing out of the ordinary, and it's like gravity, undefiable. At the risk of sounding in-denial, I actually am excited about the big three oh (not there yet) for no particular reason. But I sorta woke up the morning after drenched in sweats like I've been running 10km the whole night; woke up with a ticking sound blaring at the back of my mind. Tick tock tick tock twice the speed of a normal clock, harmonic with my heartbeat. Tick-tocking to something unbeknown to me.

What are you trying to tell me, Life?

p/s Happy happy Birthday, CPMS!

i think i've only one nerve left, don't get on it!

I cannot take my boss micro-managing me. He will email, text and call to get something done. I know what urgent means, just chillax and shake your balls for a minute, will ya?

This crazy lil thing called nerve is like a motion sensor bulb, you know. If you rapidly agitate it, it will induce a wavelength that will increase the body temperature. I hate being garang (trivia: I may look garang/sombong, I am actually very der shy-shy cat. At least it's better than having an amiable facade to camouflage your true ugly side, innit?). I digress. I know he's my boss, boss bosses people around, but takde ke cara lebih bijak than micro-managing people? He's seriously putting his 1st class MBA honours to shame.

When he's constantly breathing down my neck, what other choice do I have but to do the same thing to my anak buah? It's a domino effect. I'm sure they all hate me by now.:(

One fine day, if you come across a news about a woman trashing her office, tearing down whatever within reach, throwing tables and chairs around, yelling at her officemates, jumping on the printer and fax machines, running around screaming and crying with her hair wild up, running into anything and everything in her path and finally into the glass wall before diving head-first from her fifth floor office? It's gotta be me.

i think sun and heat are only meant to be on sea and sand

The heatwave is taking its toll on me. It warps me crazy. The hormones, on the other hand, had turned me into an unfriendly, grumpy old bitch. Ulcers were popping out in my mouth like gangrene and it was so bad, I had to take painkillers. And my house is a shipwreck now as weekends are spent hibernating in bed. Oh El Nino, if only your climate is as nice as your name..

Anyways, here's a joke a favorite of mine (I'm not humorous, most likely you'll hear it coming from me again and again whenever I lament about the weather) is "Oh my gawd, Malaysia is so freakin' hot. Masa kat Africa dulu tak panas macam ni pun!". I'm so funny, I know.

i think i am content

The holiday, the much needed break, was truly awesome. Will blog more about it later.
Gosh, I am so overwhelmed with the post-holiday blues already!

sunset @Patong Beach

i think i'll see you later with one or two shades darker

Sunblock? Check.
Skimpy tops? Check.
Colorful sundress? Check.
Beach shorts? Check.
Bikini? Check.
Sunglasses? Check.
iPod? Check.
Camera? Check.
Thai Bahts$? Check.
Turn on out-of-office assistant? Check.

i think i need to twitter 'my life is not a job' cause this job the colleague is driving me crazy!

1. It's 3 hours to 7, I've decided not to sleep for fear of failing to wake up later because I'm a sleeping beauty who needs undisturbed 6 hours of beauty sleep and kalau dah tidur pukul 4 pagi, jangan harap lah nak bangun pukul 7 kan..

2. I am stressed out. Burnt out. I am underpaid and overworked. LOL :P On a serious note, I feel like leaving this job. I hate my boss and his blue-eyed boy the butt-kisser who sticks to him like a dick wart. I'm gonna hold them responsible for deteriorating my performance. I mean, if the boss is not too busy memeram telur and at least do some of his work and not too delegate too much of powerpoint job and the butt-kisser is not too busy butt-kissing and not nosing about everybody else's business, I could've remained as happy as I used to be. Office politics suck. I love doing projects but I loathe doing reports and foils and the whole aftermath. Most of the time I feel that I am not a real engineer. Ai yemm a powwarpoint slides engineer yang koje dok buat presentation slides sajork. Gahhh.

3. I love to whine about my job. I can go on and on about it for hours and bore you to death. Don't take me seriously when I am at it because chillax, my life is not a job!

4. For everything I do, I am literally updating 'my status' a la Facebook in my head. I gotta admit that my brain suffers from a syndrome of (in the words of the coolest Makji) 'Status Update anxiety'; quote where we all trying to outdo each other in posting the most intriguing or attention-seeking updates we can think of, or recording every tiny detail of our everyday lives unquote. Like, when I am hungry, "Tiena is hungry" and "Tiena is craving for more Krispy Creme glazed donuts". Or "Tiena is going to London in August, thanx AirAsia!" when I am feeling happy. Or "Tiena is checking out Facebook on her Blackberry" whenever I'm feeling geeky. A sign that my life revolves around Facebook? Memang tak la. I hate everything about Facebook and its applications (I used to love Mousehunts, but they bore me now). I hardly update my account, and plus, who gives a flying fock about what you're doing I do, right?

4. I want a customized walk-in wardrobe but damn they're damn expensive! My trust fund is zeroed out and I maxed out my cards. Hello Datuk, boleh sponsor tak? *winks, twirls hair, leans forward, flaunts cleavage*

5. I think I have a mild OCD. No, not the germophobic kinda OCD, though I do feel geli sometimes when I shake people's hands or somebody use my mouse or I have to use their mouse. I am skeptical of toilet tabs and door knobs and I hate it when people cough and not covering their mouths fully. But like I said, I am not the extreme germophobe nut job, I am just particular about certain things.

6. Did you notice that the word 'babi' is no longer a taboo? Did Dewan Bahasa deleted the word 'khinzir' from the grand dictionary? Because the media seems no longer ashamed of the word and they now talk babi this, babi that unabashedly.

7. I am very thankful that I was already back in my motherland from the pigsty island when the whole babi flu pandemic breaks out there and in the other part of the world. Heard from the news that they had to quarrantine a hotel even. HKG sucks btw, except for the weather. (I am bitter because I still can't get over the fact that a cap ayam brand handbag at a flea market costs around HKD400, habis tawar dapat HKD200=MYR100, apakah? Baik beli kat Sg. Wang je..)

i think my life is not a job!

A pictorial guide on How To Survive The Office 101:

1. Lots of pens in multicolor. Pens are mostly pakai-buang (read: colleagues will borrow your pen and most likely not to return and you'd have the tendency to misplace them on a daily basis)

2. Good coffee to keep you sane from the office hullabaloo. Enough said.

3. Sauce and ketchup. Optional, come in handy when the McDelivery forgot to give you extra ketchup.

4. Earphones/headphones. Fucking important! Shuts you out when your colleague who sits near you have gas issues and disgusts the hell out of you with the burping. Earphones/headphones on is a universal sign of "Do Not Disturb" when you feel like dissociating yourself.

4. Side/rearview mirrors. One of the shortcomings of being human is we don't have another pair of eyes at the back of your head. You views are confined to a strict 180 degrees. Side/rearview mirrors helps you to tell that your boss is approaching so quickly hide that YouTube/blog/non work related window! You can use real mirrors, or in this case, a slice of wafer fab (silicon, not the edible wafer) or anything that reflects.

5. Spotted: used rubber on the floor. Maintain your calm. A common sight, mildly culture-shocking for newbies.